Last week, we chose some of our favourite songs from 2014. If you missed that, you can find it here. Flip-reversing it like Blazin’ Squad, we’re now choosing our least favourite songs from last year. Enjoy! Or should that be don’t enjoy?
Stu’s choices (@mojo20_music):
Megan Trainor – All about That Bass
In 1991 Michael Jackson released the racial equality anthem ‘Black or White’. Fast forward to 2014 and newcomer, Megan Trainor, released her ode to size equality in the form of ‘All About That Bass’ where she champions females of all sizes, spreading the word that you don’t have to be stick thin to be attractive… or at least that’s what we thought, until a deeper look into the lyrics actually exposes the truth behind what she’s eluding to, and that is that if you’re not fat, or at least curvy, then you can fuck right off. Not only did the song, specifically her vocal style grate like hell after unbelievable exposure and radio play, but she completely cocked up the message and just came off as a bitter self-righteous teenager. Oh well, if in doubt release another song that sounds exactly the same but with different content… oh wait, she did that as well.
Will.i.am & Cody Wise – It’s My Birthday
It’s baffled me for years how Will.i.am sells records, and this track really pushed me over the edge. With synthesised vocals, dreadful lyrics, and the basis for the song basically being that it’s some nob heads birthday and he’s off out to spend his wages, which is weird for a start because I’ve never spent a penny on my birthday because my friends all get the beers in. Maybe William and Cody don’t have any friends. After the release of this tune, I’d have stopped being his mate as well though to be fair.
Band Aid 30 – Do They Know It’s Christmas?
So Geldof decided this year to re-release, again, the Christmas classic ‘Do They Know It’s Christmas?’ and of course used the finest out of the crop of artists and musicians that 2014 had to offer, such as Seal, Sinead O’Connor, Underworld and Bono… and managed to destroy the song even more than he did in its last incarnation. This time, the aim was to raise awareness and money for the Ebola crisis, which Africa were pissed off about because they didn’t like the way the country was portrayed, but anyway, a good deed and all that undoubtedly. The only problem with it was, it was absolutely terrible. Even changing Bono’s iconic line entirely to something that didn’t fit at all, and it just ended up coming off as a desperate attempt to remind people that Geldof is still the equivalent of a 21st century Jesus Christ.
Chainsmokers – #Selfie
Now anybody who knows me, will know how much I dislike the whole social media generation, where people are validated by how many likes they get for a witty comment or a picture of their own face, or even more dull what they’re having for dinner. Whether it’s Snapchat, Instagram, Twitter or Facebook, the world is consumed with letting everybody know what they’re wearing, who they’re with and where they are and that they’re bloody enjoying every second of it, despite spending the whole time documenting the occasion and essentially missing it all in the process. So earlier this year, the soundtrack to all of this, the anthem to sum it all up was released, and it was the most obnoxious, arrogant, fake piece of crap ever recorded. The annoying “vocals” of some bird I can’t be arsed to research, backed with a generic electro beat, while she pretty much just enacts most typical 18-23 year old girls in the UK or USA in 2014. Now part of me likes to think it was tongue in cheek and was actually meant to embarrass people into realising how ridiculous they’ve become, but it didn’t work, so I think it’s time to burn any memory of the song so we never have to hear it again.
Nicki Minaj – Anaconda
Here she is then. Minaj returned this year and dropped her worst work to date. ‘Anaconda’ is a ridiculous combination that samples Sir Mixalot’s ‘Baby Got Back’, accompanied by vocals that sound exactly the same as ‘Tick Tock’ by Ke$ha. The sample was obviously a blatant thing, but the vocals are probably just a cheap rip off and I’m not sure anyone else has noticed. But whatever the case, she didn’t really come up with anything new at all, apart from the lyrics and they’re crap. So the song is centred around her behind, and anyones behind really, and I assume someone or everyone’s nob as well considering it’s called ‘Anaconda’ but either way it’s awful. The video is equally bad, as a plethora of ladies just sit around moving their arse’s a bit and not really doing much else. Oh but they are in the jungle at the time so it probably cost quite a bit. Anyway, this definitely made the list as it is just pure nonsense and a poor attempt at creating music. No wonder she’s always banging on about her arse, because you’re talking shit Minaj.
Rob’s choices (@robertmsmith):
Pharell Williams – Happy
Potentially a controversial choice by me here because it appears that everyone loved this song last year. To me, it made me far from happy. Nobody can be that happy. And if they can, I’d like them to stay away from me. Especially in the mornings. Pharell used to be legend when he was in N.E.R.D but now I just see him as a D.I.C.K. And what the hell is that hat all about? The only place you should be able to see such a hat is in the Harry Potter films (that sorting hat thing). The more I heard the song, the more I came to despise it. I couldn’t escape it though. It was played on the radio on the rare occasions I actually listen to the radio, it was on every other advert and used as a montage song on every programme I watched. What happened to just clapping your hands to exhibit how happy you are?!
PSY ft. Snoop Dogg – Hangover
I don’t even know where to begin with this. It’s just absolute drivel. Snoop Dogg used to be one of the most credible rappers in the world and now he’s doing songs with PSY. WHY? We’ve all had a hangover before, but is there any need to write and perform an annoying song about it? No. There isn’t. The video is even more ridiculous than the song and features pool playing amidst a food fight, Snoop Dogg skipping and the both of them frantically brushing their teeth together. I’d actually rather be hungover than have to listen to this song ever again.
MAGIC! – Rude
“Why you gotta be so rude?”. Because your song is shit. That’s why. Probably one of the least talented bunch of people to have got incredibly lucky and had the opportunity to release a song let alone an album. It’s just 3 minutes 45 seconds of pointless whining. The video is cheesy and cringey which sometimes works in small doses but this is an overdose of cringe. I wish I knew how to do proper magic(!) because I’d make these knobheads disappear!
Pitbull ft. John Ryan – Fireball
Not the generic Pitbull sound we’ve been exposed to in recent years which is a godsend. But this alternate direction is still pitBULLSHIT. As for John Ryan, I don’t know who he is and I’ve never ever heard of him before or after this song. Never thought I’d say it but I’d rather listen to Lee Ryan than John Ryan. The song is just a load of nonsense as well. It makes no sense. Let’s hope 2015 is the year this song comes true and Pitbull combusts and becomes a literal fireball.
Idina Menzel – Let It Go
I’ve not seen Frozen. I’m sure it’s as good as everyone says it is but I don’t feel the need to watch it as I’ve already been subjected to most the songs from it. My girlfriend loves the film so I’ve heard ‘Let It Go’ numerous times now and after the 10th, 20th, 30th time or so…it becomes incredibly irritating. I’m hoping the hype behind the film of 2014 dies down somewhat this year. In other words, I’m hoping everybody decides to just Let It Go.